I’ve been dating… a lot. Over the course of the year the frequency of flirts, dates, sexual advances and overall attention I’ve received from guys has increased dramatically where the activity in the last six months rivals that of perhaps the last two to three years. Now, I don’t make this statement in boastful jest with regard to my peers and anyone else out there who is looking for a date, a sexual encounter, LTR or even a future husbear. Rather, this is my ‘thinking out loud’ observation of the recent pictures of my life; being a witness to the interactions I’ve had with prototypically masculine men who convey the attitudes, demeanor and appearance of “masc guys”.
Having been a busy guy socially, especially this summer, I’ve finally had some time to slow down and make some internally directed queries to myself with questions like:
“How have I changed?”
“What am I doing differently now?”
“Why do the guys I’m hunting and (hunting me back) seem to be considerably more masculine than my previous pool of suitors?”
I’ve always been attracted to masc guys, though the term itself is something I’ve more recently read and understood in the last few years. Looking back at the men I’ve dated my friends can tell you that I definitely have a “type”. As a former rugger turned soccer player who currently trains in Olympic powerlifting while subjecting himself to the intensity of CrossFit, there is definite outward evidence of my inclination to masculine men in addition to running with my leathermen and bear crew. Leading in with so-called “masculine credentials”, however, when trying to attract a masculine guy is irrelevant as these are merely referential activities to what I enjoy as well as the company of men I keep.
After meditating on the questions I had asked myself, I distilled what I think are the factors for the latest crusade of men who’ve been chasing me down like a religious expedition while likewise responsive to my advances insofar as my words and actions could be gospel.
For starters, I won’t tell you to butch it up. You don’t need to play or watch or talk about sports nor do you need to equip yourself in durable Carhartts, speak with a deeper baritone in your voice or even to stop wearing deodorant to produce a manly scent. I didn’t do any of these. I did, however, come to the conclusion that Being Referred In My Own Masculinity and Drawing Out Another Guy’s Masculinity in its truest sense are what ultimately created this for me:
Confidence Is Sexy
I know for a fact that my self-confidence; the value I place on my own life is much higher now than seasons prior. You know that question, “What do I want to be when I grow up?” Slowly, but surely I’ve started to be able to answer that question with greater conviction each time I’ve posed this to myself. The result has been a powerful sense of connecting to my purpose as a man and what I’m able to accomplish – traits found on the strong side of the masculine continuum. Because of this my ambition and drive has furthered. I understand what my contribution to other men is and what I uniquely bring to the table. I tend to look people in the eye quite often. I stand straighter, and I usually command attention when I walk into a room of other men, whether I say anything or not. Fearless. This happens because of the strength within, which is what we men connect to when we are strong in our masculinity. Other guys take hold of that and gravitate toward it because inclusive of true masculinity is strength of self.
Allow Men Opportunities to Demonstrate Their Strength & Skill / Live On The Edge
Ever wonder why some men’s bars have darts, pool and video games? Men are naturally competitive – we need activities – so giving a guy a chance to show-off his feats of strength or skill where you and him can go head-to-head creates an environment to connect back to his own sense of masculinity when using it to compete against you. What this does is create a compelling association between you and him referring to his masculine power.
When it comes to living on the edge, we can recall Ed Norton’s character in the film Fight Club. Despite living in very spartan conditions and escaping near death on a couple occasions during his turn to fight, he has never felt more alive. The reason being is due to the circumstances forcing him to act upon his core nature as a man; in his masculine strength, in tune with the wildness of his heart. Other men as witnesses to this gather in turn because they are drawn to that as well even though the film is an extreme example of this concept.
Why may some masc guys be uninterested in talking with a dude who just wants to discuss Lady Gaga? The masc guy may in fact even enjoy hearing her music at the dance club, but in reality this conversation affords him no opportunity to connect to his masculinity leaving him in want.
Taking Risks & Action
As men, drawing on our masculine strength allows us to take risks even when the odds are sometimes against us. What men trust in men is their value to remain stable through thick and thin then propelling into action when necessary.
One guy I met at a bar whom I dated for several months had shared with me early on that one of the things he found attractive was that I approached him at the bar. He related to me how he always thought he looked like a mean S.O.B. when sitting alone lost in his thoughts over a beer, which is exactly when I came up and introduced myself. My Counter Buddy thought it was “real ballsy” of me to chat with him despite his unapproachable stature, but responded to me in kind. Even though he was typically the more aggressive type, he found it refreshing and attractive for me to chase him.
Scarcity of Time
Are you a guy that has stuff going on in his life? Do you have a calendar that’s laid out with things that keep you busy, yet are meaningful and important? A majority of masc guys whom I’ve dated had a love/hate relationship with the duality of me being busy with the things that mattered to me; not always readily available for them whenever they wanted to get together. The love part always edged out the hate in those circumstances. They wanted to be in my schedule, but also found it hot that my time was a limited commodity for their beck and call. And this goes back to connecting to a man’s Hunter/Gatherer mentality where as dudes, we don’t necessarily want everything, especially that which is worthwhile, to come easy.
Call Out Daily Struggles As Battles (Make Him Feel Like A Bad Ass)
Being the hero and saving the day. Men who are connected to their masculine energy are driven to win in whatever realm that may be. Exaggerating small daily struggles as triumphs of masculinity or small wins reminds a guy that he’s a champion even how minute those examples may be:
“You were a trooper for going to work with only 3 hours of sleep!”
“I can’t believe you huffed those 10 blocks in the cold with only a t-shirt on. You went out like a true soldier! Atta boy!”
“You just cleaned and jerked that 200 lb. bar like a boss!”
Whenever I’m interacting with another dude, I am mindful to direct conversation in such a way to enable another guy to highlight areas where he is doing well and/or giving him praise. Or sometimes I’ll flat out make playful inflated statements about a guy’s butchiness, which even though joking, still let’s a guy know that you are aware of his masculinity. Think of it as substantive and affirming “woofs” sent his way.
At the end of the day, attracting a masculine guy is about solidly being referred in your own true masculinity as well as playing a part in him feeling and identifying with his own masculinity around you. When you allow him to access his strength and call upon yours when needed that is the very essence of what he is looking for and attracted to – to be able to rise up and meet your strength.
We like what we like and that’s just fine – no apologies needed for desiring a masc guy. I’ll be your fiercest and loyal comrade on our quest to find him – the guy around the corner with the scruff or beard, body hair, gruff undertones and manly musk when deodorant has failed in the absolute best way. Knowing that like attracts like, I now know that radiating masculinity from within surely draws to me (and you) masc guys from without.
Looking? You may find him sooner than you think. ♠